Barguments

Federer v. Woods

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:18:00 +0000

b

Not a bar brawl (Tiger, correct?) but a test of supremacy:

Who most dominates his sport, Tiger Woods or Roger Federer.

This barguments comes from Sports Illustrated's Joe Posnanski, who declares it an "impossible debate." (Nonsense: have a few beers and prove you're right!)

You can click here to read Posnanski's take, and go to barguments.com to vote.

A long, long Barguments radio spot

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:04:00 +0000

Allan Handleman, perhaps the No. 1 friend of Barguments out there (second only to Paul and Young Ron), recently had me on his radio show in North Carolina for two hours. What a sport, especially as I delivered clunker jokes to dead air.

Click here to listen. It seems longer when it's not live.

A cleaned-up barguments.com

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:10:00 +0000

There's a new protocol at barguments.com, with the "best" barguments spread out over the first four pages with the most recent barguments.

How we at barguments.com decide the best barguments? That's a bargument in itself.

It's all based on an algorithm that ranks the various components of the bargument's performance on the site. First, how close is the vote? The narrower the spread, the more points. Next: the votes themselves. A close bargument with 1,200 votes gets more points than a tied bargument after 80 votes.

But how to judge the rest? As it's set up now, a bargument with a large number of thumbs-up votes and just a few thumbs-down gets a very high score. Having a lot of comments helps, but not as much as the thumbs ranking.

That was the toughest decision when it came to bargument scoring. Because really, the comments are what barguments are all about -- people actually diving into the bargument and making their case.

Submarine versus Prison

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:16:00 +0000

One bargument on the site I thought would be a sure hit but is actually very lopsided is this one:

Would you rather spend a year on a submarine or a year in prison?

Submarine is winning in a runaway, 77 percent to 23 percent. But I would go with prison.

I'm not sure people are really grasping life in a sub: you're in this cramped tube 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, never seeing the sun, or getting outside or having any hope of leaving. Prison, you've got the mess hall and the yard and visitors... Sharing a cell and an open-air toilet with someone WOULD be rough, and there's the occasional shivving and worse...

But I think I'd go insane quicker on a sub. If I had to pick life in prison or life in a sub, I'd go with a sub.

Duke v. Carolina

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:13:00 +0000

Matthew called into the Alan Handelman show just a second ago (I'm still on the air while typing this) and gave a great Bargument:

What's the best rivalry in sports?

Matthew picked the headline match-up in basketball.

(By the way, no one is getting my jokes on this show. Someone called in to say the David Spade commercial where he's inserted into a Tommy Boy scene with Chris Farley was the worst commercial on tv. I said: Remember, David Spade leeched off Farley throughout his career, why not in death? SILENCE.)

To Paul and Young Ron Listeners

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:29:00 +0000

The answer you seek is on Page 87... You CAN win...

Shaping young minds...

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 03:07:00 +0000

The sports show for a high school video channel borrows a bargument for a commercial. The borrowing starts at :15.

Not the best banter ever captured on You Tube, but one of only two searches that pops up for "bargument" on the site, so we're a fan.

"Instant conversation starter"

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:01:00 +0000

So says the guys at this radio station, which had some fun with barguments.com the other day. Lots of traffic to the site, so thanks guys.

Read the feed here.

No Jeers for the Barguments App

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Tue, 19 May 2009 20:26:00 +0000

Just Another iPhone Blog gave a nice little review of the Barguments iPhone App the other day. There were some gripes, of course, and I actually agree. The website isn't very compatible with the iPhone screen, and we'll work on that... But if the commentary about the app itself were translated into symbols, I think it would be an upward pointing thumb joined by an identical upward pointing thumb...

The Bargu-app drops today

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:18:00 +0000

For just 99 cents, you can have 150 new barguments. (Oh, you'll also have to spend about $300 on an iPhone if you don't have one already.) I was playing with the Barguments app this morning and it's fun. Like the book, but with shaking and sound effects. Screen capture to follow. You can click here and buy it for your touch Ipod.

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Mon, 11 May 2009 21:24:00 +0000

Washingtonpost.com has a little sports Bargument going on: Which NFL rules would you change? One guy wans to revive endzone dances. Headline: Bring back the Ickey shuffle.

I once interviewed Ickey at party when the Super Bowl was in Miami two years ago. I was doing a story on corporate parties hiring NFL alums like Ickey to play golf and schmooze with clients during the big week. I asked him his fee. I think he said $10,000. I then asked if the Ickey Shuffle was extra. It was.

Click here and participate in the Post bargument.

Jockeys don't count

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:09:00 +0000

Doing some research for the Barguments iPhone App (set aside 99 cents now!) and came across this gallery on boston.com that makes for an easy Bargument:

Name the best short athlete of all time?

And yes, the definition of short will be part of the Bargument. Does it get measured on a sliding scale-- would significant skills be given more weight or a severely short person, or should you simply judge the entire pool of short athletes on an equal basis?

Barguments on Google

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 18:13:00 +0000

I know that headline sounds naive -- look, I'm on The Google! -- but I actually just discovered that Barguments itself is on Google Books. That is, you can read pages from the book. Now, this isn't a particularly long book, so Google is giving away quite a bit here. But it's pretty cool. Take a look, then do the right thing and order one.

CNBC throws out a random bargument

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:32:00 +0000

For some reason, Chuck Norris is interviewing Michael Eisner on CNBC. I couldn't bear to watch and figure out why the online segment is headlined by this bargument:

Who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee?

I don't think even die-hard Republicans are going to bet against Lee on that one.

Left-handed Whoppers

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:03:00 +0000

Burger King has a knack for pranks: remember the meat-scented body spray it revealed a few months ago, which prompted tons of stories by tut-tutting reporters amazed at the new low. (The best jokes are ones the media report on but don't get.)

Burger King lands low in this great list of all-time April Fool's Day pranks. I think it deserves higher billing. To actually have customers show up at Burger King asking for left-handed Whoppers? Brilliant.

Check it out here.

Woody or Coach?

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 23:51:00 +0000

That was the inscription the Barguments Blog used for the copy loyal reader, fan and fellow CGSC member Marie Perry offered to take to the world-famous Cheers bar in Boston. (It's really the Bull & Finch.)

Thanks, Marie! No Barguments fan has ever taken the book so far. And I know your authentic Bawstun accent convinced them to give Barguments good placement at the bar.

(I'm voting for Coach, of course. Everyone is, correct?)

A Bargument ripped from today's headlines

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 23:14:00 +0000

Big layoffs and cuts announced today at the Barguments Blog's day job, The Miami Herald. This includes a pay cut for the BB, which will be matched by an equal cut in fixed expenses on the BB's part.

Which will force us to consider this actual bargument: Would you rather give up Internet or cable television?

To me, this seems like an easy one. I drop cable. You can watch so much television on the Internet now, it's an obvious trade. But it sure isn't as convenient. You've got to log in, you've got to find the right show, you've got to hook-up your laptop in a decent place to watch, plug in the speakers, etc.

I know, I know... watch through an Xbox or something. We do hook our laptop up to our TV, but that brings its own logistical challenges. Which brings us to a frightening thought: our remote no longer having a function.... We've grown so close.

Obama Bush hug -- Classy or Annoying?

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 01:36:00 +0000

One milestone seems to have been missed this week among all the pomp, circumstance and history: America's first post-inaugural presidential hug. When President Obama wrapped his arms around former President George W. Bush's back for a quick squeeze, it marked the first time that history has recorded more than an emotional handshake between president and predecessor.

This captures a trend that's always bothered me -- guys shifting from handshake greetings to hug greetings. It's a quick hug, I know, sort of a slap on the back. But still -- it's too much. Family and long-lost friends? Fine. But for a friend you saw just a week or a month ago? When did a handshake not become enough for that?

And not everyone qualifies for it, making it even more awkward when you're greeting a group. So the close friend gets a hug, but what do you with the fairly regular acquaitance who's standing next to him? Upgrade to the hug, or make his lower-tier status clear by switching to the shake?

These are protocol questions regular guys face regulary, and now it's reached the presidential level. This may have been Barack Obama's first serious mistake in office.

Sick menu choice

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 00:53:00 +0000

Barguments Headquarters just received this press release at its paying job.:

WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE FOR YOUR VERY LAST MEAL?

Washington, DC (November 20, 2008) - With Thanksgiving and the holidays on the horizon, it's time to start thinking about food--- lots and lots of food. Each day, the imaginations of millions race, thinking about that ever-important question: "What do I want to eat?" The National Museum of Crime and Punishment has taken that question to the next level, asking guests: What if you knew that there would be no tomorrow and you had to make the choice of what your last meal would be? The peculiar answers have left many pondering over this grueling question.

With no limitations on food quantity or choice, over 500 guests selected a wide variety of combinations. Surprisingly, the most selected choice was that of notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy, even though guests could choose their own unique meal. Among the vast beverage choices, the top pick was Coca-Cola, although alcoholic beverages were also in the top three choices. As one individual from Holland deliberately expressed, "As a drink I would have nothing more than beer, beer and beer."

TOP TEN LAST MEAL REQUESTS
1. John Wayne Gacy's last meal (12 deep-fried shrimp, a bucket of original recipe chicken from KFC, French fries, and a pound of strawberries)
2. Ice Cream
3. Steak
4. Pizza
5. Lobster
6. Hamburger
7. Spaghetti
8. Sushi
9. Crab
10. Potatoes

What would I pick? I don't know. I'm impressed crab is on the list. I'm baffled by spaghetti. How could that be? Potatoes? Not really. Who would pick that?

If I had to pick at this moment, it would be the churascao steak with blue cheese and au gratin potatoes at Berrie's down the street. The best part: I don't have to murder anyone to get it.

Viewer Mail

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:53:00 +0000

I was just one with Steve and Miles, hosts of Seattle's The Mens Room radio show. They're Barguments fans... well, I think they are now. But before encountering Barguments, they had their own version that seemed to center around cereal. (Peanutbutter Cap'n Crunch: thumbs up or thumbs down?)

Soon after barguments.com got this welcome email. Which raises this pressing question: Where can I get some Baconsalt?

Doug,
Let me first start by saying Barguments is the coolest damn thing since Baconsalt. You are a genius in your own right. I heard you on The Mens Room in Seattle and I had to get online to your site and submit my own.... Submission? Yeah. Thank you sir for a future of entertaining, unanswerable bullshit that will keep me busy for hours. Best to you!

~Skyy Alexander

Hello Kansas City...

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 03:20:00 +0000

Just did a radio spot on afternoon drive time in Kansas City. Site is getting good traffic from it, and some pretty funny submissions. Two of my favorites: who would in a bar brawl with Spider-Man, Batman and a very drunk Superman? And you're in a gunfight. Who do you want as a sidekick from a Western: Val Kilmer, Clint Eastwood or Gene Wilder?

I pick Wilder. They'd never kill him off onscreen. (Ooh, but they might kill his no-name costar.)

This list goes to 11-- of course

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 02:11:00 +0000

Yahoo has a list of the 11 best fake bands from Hollywood. Click here to read it. I don't think I could come up with six. Spinal Tap... who else?

Where's Rerun?

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:30:00 +0000

Gene Weingarten at the Washington Post takes the easy way out in his list of 30 best sitcom characters ever. He's picks Ed Norton from the Honeymooners as No. 1.

Weak choice. People seem to think TV was better in the 50s than it is now. Not true. Sam Malone much more entertaining character than Norton. Same with George Costanza (Weingarten's No. 2, to his credit). I'd put G.O.B. Bluth up there, and Charley Kelly up there too....

Weingarten's list is here.

Nominees?

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:54:00 +0000

This Verizon ad about cellular Dead Zones gets my vote for the best commercial on television. Add your contenders in the comments box.

A knife in the back...

noreply@blogger.com (Doug Hanks) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:13:00 +0000

Usually commercials need to involve hygeine products to disgust me as much as the one I saw last night. To the tune of a Jimi Hendrix guitar riff, the announcer declared aging Baby Boomers to be enjoying the "Summer of Life." Lots of archival footage of people doing twirly dances.

Then comes the product: a new "Just for Men" hair product. The brand name: "Touch of Gray."

Really? Is there no shame?

Jerry, of course, grayed gracefully. Shouldn't everyone?

The bargument:

True or False: Men should never dye their hair. (If you answer true, should women? At what age should they stop?)