Thursday, November 20, 2008

Sick menu choice

Barguments Headquarters just received this press release at its paying job.:


Washington, DC (November 20, 2008) - With Thanksgiving and the holidays on the horizon, it's time to start thinking about food--- lots and lots of food. Each day, the imaginations of millions race, thinking about that ever-important question: "What do I want to eat?" The National Museum of Crime and Punishment has taken that question to the next level, asking guests: What if you knew that there would be no tomorrow and you had to make the choice of what your last meal would be? The peculiar answers have left many pondering over this grueling question.

With no limitations on food quantity or choice, over 500 guests selected a wide variety of combinations. Surprisingly, the most selected choice was that of notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy, even though guests could choose their own unique meal. Among the vast beverage choices, the top pick was Coca-Cola, although alcoholic beverages were also in the top three choices. As one individual from Holland deliberately expressed, "As a drink I would have nothing more than beer, beer and beer."

1. John Wayne Gacy's last meal (12 deep-fried shrimp, a bucket of original recipe chicken from KFC, French fries, and a pound of strawberries)
2. Ice Cream
3. Steak
4. Pizza
5. Lobster
6. Hamburger
7. Spaghetti
8. Sushi
9. Crab
10. Potatoes

What would I pick? I don't know. I'm impressed crab is on the list. I'm baffled by spaghetti. How could that be? Potatoes? Not really. Who would pick that?

If I had to pick at this moment, it would be the churascao steak with blue cheese and au gratin potatoes at Berrie's down the street. The best part: I don't have to murder anyone to get it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Viewer Mail

I was just one with Steve and Miles, hosts of Seattle's The Mens Room radio show. They're Barguments fans... well, I think they are now. But before encountering Barguments, they had their own version that seemed to center around cereal. (Peanutbutter Cap'n Crunch: thumbs up or thumbs down?)

Soon after got this welcome email. Which raises this pressing question: Where can I get some Baconsalt?

Let me first start by saying Barguments is the coolest damn thing since Baconsalt. You are a genius in your own right. I heard you on The Mens Room in Seattle and I had to get online to your site and submit my own.... Submission? Yeah. Thank you sir for a future of entertaining, unanswerable bullshit that will keep me busy for hours. Best to you!

~Skyy Alexander

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Hello Kansas City...

Just did a radio spot on afternoon drive time in Kansas City. Site is getting good traffic from it, and some pretty funny submissions. Two of my favorites: who would in a bar brawl with Spider-Man, Batman and a very drunk Superman? And you're in a gunfight. Who do you want as a sidekick from a Western: Val Kilmer, Clint Eastwood or Gene Wilder?

I pick Wilder. They'd never kill him off onscreen. (Ooh, but they might kill his no-name costar.)