Sunday, November 25, 2007

Women or Men?

This bargument comes from a friend of a friend who I met at a bar in South Beach (not always the most friendly Bargument territory) and quickly recruited to the Bargument bandwagon. Check back at this space to find out his name, which currently escapes me.

From now on, you will be banned from listening to male singers or female singers. Which do you pick?

Saturday, November 24, 2007


Everyone promises to go to the gym after Thanksgiving, but what if you didn't have to?

You can be rid of one thing for life. Pick from: exercise, hangovers or dentists.

Assume there will be no negative consequences from your choice. That is, you'd maintain a healthy weight even if you pick exercise and you could still avoid cavities if you choose dentists.

Vote in the poll nearby. [Jan. 5th update: To make way for a new poll, I'm removing the box for this one from the blog. The results: After 33 votes, Hangovers won handily with 50 percent. Dentists and exercise tied with 8 votes each. It's a shame to close this with a tie for second, but life in the blogosphere must move on...]

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Does Spinal Tap count?

I recently watched a fantastic documentary called "Who the $#@! is Jackson Pollock?" about this woman, a trucker, who buys a funky painting at a flea market for five dollars and then comes to think it's a Jackson Pollock original.

The first lines of the movie are her narrating:

We all know a fairy tale begins with 'Once Upon a Time,' but when something
happens to a trucker, we say 'You're not going to believe this shit.'

I thought there had to a bargument there, possibly about art. But then I thought-- I really didn't know who the $#@! Jackson Pollock was either. So I'm going to go more low-brow with this:

You must forever foresake one genre of movies. Pick from documentaries, cartoons and romantic comedies.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Form of an ice kegerator!!

I've been watching the Justice League Unlimited cartoons lately --- no snickering, thank you -- and that prompted this bargument.

Pick a super-hero for a new roommate: the Flash, either Wonder Twin, or the Invisible Woman.

Things to consider: Yes, the Flash could clean the bathrooms quickly, but would all that energy stress you out? Would the girl Wonder Twin shed (or worse) all over the place, and would the boy Wonder Twin leave moist spots everywhere? And how freaked out would you be to see the Invisible Woman suddenly appear in a chair by the couch?

Technology vs. Ten-Gallon Hats

When I'm introducing Barguments to a new audience, I find this one divides a crowd pretty quickly. You can also find it in the book.

Who would win in a war between Texas and California?

The Watchdog breaks the Barguments story

Dan Ricker, local government columnist and occasional barside companion, became the first journalist outside the publishing trades to write about Barguments. His frequent vodka tonics at the Coconut Grove Sailing Club bar gave him the inside track. Here's the report from his weekly email newsletter, the Watchdog Report:

>>> Miami Herald business reporter Hanks has new book out, Barguments
and it is funny given some of the scenarios

Doug Hanks, III, age 36 and a business reporter at The Miami Herald
has written a new book called Barguments and it is not only funny, but also
forces one to consider both sides of a question after some libations and the
different scenarios can produce decent arguments and disagreements. The book’s
subtitle is a Bargument is “A debate with no right or wrong answer that must be
uncomplicated enough to discuss after three beers.”

One favorite of
mine was what animal would win a fight, a bear or a lion? Would it matter if the
match-up occurred in the jungle or in the woods? Hanks told me they actually
called a zoo and the staff, after discussing the matter thought the bear would
win. Another one is “Of all the U.S. presidents which would make the best
drinking buddy?” And there many other examples and many are just hilarious even
if sober, after one thinks through the many different questions. To check out
the book go to or Barguments by Doug Hanks and
it is Available for Pre-order at the price of $9.99. >>> Editor’s note:
Hanks is a friend of mine and I normally would not plug someone’s book because
of that relationship, but the book is funny and worth checking out. Further, I
am not condoning excessive drinking in anyway.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Barguments Buzz

Here are some photos from a recent Saturday night with the Barguments review copy.

The couple above were from a table of 3M execs from Minnesota in town for the NASCAR race. They were seated at a table near the bar at Berries in Coconut Grove, where I was throwing out quite a few barguments at the time. They asked for their own reading. Things got a bit ugly when some guy at their table asked why I kept interupting. His group clearly liked me better than him.

The guys above are long-time bartenders and new Barguments fans, thanks to perusing the preview book at the Coconut Grove Sailing Club bar. The guy on the left even liked the widely criticized bargument on whether Jonny Quest or Speed Racer is a better cartoon.

Here's Hector, CGSC bartender and long-time Grove bar fly, at Flannigan's late night with the Barguments review copy. Laura, the bartender, looks on -- probably disagreeing with him on a bargument. She's a fan, though I don't think I got any free beers out of it that night.

This morning I definitely know which one I'd choose in this bargument, which is also in the book:
In your dream kitchen, would you rather have a beer tap or a Slurpee machine?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Steak or sleep?

Starting tomorrow, you will remain one of these things until you die. Pick from a mild insomniac or a strict vegetarian.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Presidential Cage Match

The Democrats had a debate in Vegas last night and the headlines this morning say the candidates sharpened their attacks on front-runner Hillary Clinton. But they're not really attacks-- just arguments and criticism. As usual, this bargument uses physical confrontation to resolve contests:

If you put all the Democratic presidential candidates in an Ultimate Fighting steel-cage match, who would come out the winner? What about on the Republican side?

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Big news from the publishing world: Barguments has skyrocketed to No. #89,891 in the Amazon sales rankings. Given the book has dropped below the one-million mark before, we shouldn't let this milestone go unnoticed. In fact, Barguments currently ranks No. 69 on Amazon's "Questions and Answers'' subcategory, where The Book of General Ignorance holds the top slot.

I feel those readers are my demographic, so I'm encouraged. To help topple TBOGI, please click here.

When do you age-out of Facebook?

A friend of mine from high school recently convinced me to start a Facebook page as a way to reconnect with old classmates. That never happened, and I'm starting to think that's because I graduated Easton High in 1989. Maybe the rest of my old friends realize they're too old for Facebook, domain of teenagers and early 20-somethings. In fact, the whole Facebook experience does remind me of people constantly getting their high school yearbooks signed.
With that intro, I present this blog's first poll, which you should find nearby.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Belushi vs. Murphy

This video of a Saturday Night Live skit sparked this bargument:

Name the all-time-best Saturday Night Live cast.
Do Dan Ackroyd, John Belushi, and Bill Murray (78-79) beat Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Dana Carvey, and Mike Meyers (90-91)? You can get a complete list on the SNL site here.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Lion vs. Bear

Who would win in a fight between a lion and a bear?