Thursday, November 20, 2008
WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE FOR YOUR VERY LAST MEAL?
Washington, DC (November 20, 2008) - With Thanksgiving and the holidays on the horizon, it's time to start thinking about food--- lots and lots of food. Each day, the imaginations of millions race, thinking about that ever-important question: "What do I want to eat?" The National Museum of Crime and Punishment has taken that question to the next level, asking guests: What if you knew that there would be no tomorrow and you had to make the choice of what your last meal would be? The peculiar answers have left many pondering over this grueling question.
With no limitations on food quantity or choice, over 500 guests selected a wide variety of combinations. Surprisingly, the most selected choice was that of notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy, even though guests could choose their own unique meal. Among the vast beverage choices, the top pick was Coca-Cola, although alcoholic beverages were also in the top three choices. As one individual from Holland deliberately expressed, "As a drink I would have nothing more than beer, beer and beer."
TOP TEN LAST MEAL REQUESTS
1. John Wayne Gacy's last meal (12 deep-fried shrimp, a bucket of original recipe chicken from KFC, French fries, and a pound of strawberries)
2. Ice Cream
What would I pick? I don't know. I'm impressed crab is on the list. I'm baffled by spaghetti. How could that be? Potatoes? Not really. Who would pick that?
If I had to pick at this moment, it would be the churascao steak with blue cheese and au gratin potatoes at Berrie's down the street. The best part: I don't have to murder anyone to get it.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Soon after barguments.com got this welcome email. Which raises this pressing question: Where can I get some Baconsalt?
Let me first start by saying Barguments is the coolest damn thing since Baconsalt. You are a genius in your own right. I heard you on The Mens Room in Seattle and I had to get online to your site and submit my own.... Submission? Yeah. Thank you sir for a future of entertaining, unanswerable bullshit that will keep me busy for hours. Best to you!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I pick Wilder. They'd never kill him off onscreen. (Ooh, but they might kill his no-name costar.)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Weak choice. People seem to think TV was better in the 50s than it is now. Not true. Sam Malone much more entertaining character than Norton. Same with George Costanza (Weingarten's No. 2, to his credit). I'd put G.O.B. Bluth up there, and Charley Kelly up there too....
Weingarten's list is here.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Speaking of which, Simon & Schuster just told me they sold the foreign rights to Barguments in Estonia. A no-brainer, of course, but encouraging news nonetheless.
Title: Would you rather regret something you did or regret something you did not do
Options:1. regret what you've done
2. regret what you've not done
User name: jerry yee heng jie
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Could you cut Superman with a light saber?
That inspired another bargument later in the show:
If you could have a drink with any super-hero, who would it be?
Most popular answer from the callers: Wonder Woman.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
You can take one musical group or performer from the last 10 years back to 1958, where you'll be a struggling record producer. Who do you bring?
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I was pretty pleased with the different opinions, and how pissed some people were that others even considered disagreeing with them. It does reveal one dud from the book though: Which is worse on a man: baldness or back hair. That really was a clunker-- of course back hair is worse. Should have been back hair or ear hair.
Oh well. Maybe for the second edition..
Thursday, May 29, 2008
But others certainly qualify, especially the one about whether the Enterprise would beat a spaceship from Battlestar Gallactica.... I'm going to resist mentioning Romulan Ale here.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
If you had to choose one drink to have for the rest of your life, which would it be?
This was a tough one. I picked Miller Lite, figuring beer is probably the most versatile drink out there. Besides, what else are you going to have out on the boat?
Marc picked rum and Coke, but keep in mind he and his wife named their boat: Otro Cuba Libre.
Carrie, pictured here, picked champagne. Then she burped and passed gas. True.
Monday, May 12, 2008
You've been signed to a Major League Baseball team. Which position do you want to play?
This quickly prompted the question: are you somehow an expert ballplayer, or are you stuck with your current abilities? The consensus seemed to be you're magically given the skills along with your MLB contract.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Scott, who covers the economy, offered this one: What cocktail can a guy order and not look like an ass? (My wording.) Pretty easy to come up with some strike-worthy drinks: cosmopolitan, Long Island iced tea. But where does margarita fall?
Our small business reporter, Jim, came up with one: If you were traveling back in time 100 years, which invention would you bring with you? (Remember: there are no gas stations or electric outlets in 1904.)
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
New bargument: Title: How long before barguments will link into My.Yahoo, my.aol, etc via RSS or other Feeds?
1. Never- Webmaster is stuck in 1960
2. Soon, but not soon enough!
3. Already in the works for \'roll-out\' 3rd edition...
User name: Bill Gates
Location: Redmond, WA
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
But lots of Paul and Young Ron listeners knew about Barguments. I printed a bunch of them up on little cards and passed them out to people in the VIP tent. A frequent response: "Oh, are you the Barguments Guy?"
On the way to Beer Fest, I got a text from Kent Island resident Danny "Ebert" Williams with this Eastern Shore-only Bargument:
What kind of pickles do you serve with steamed crabs: dill or bread-and-butter?
I think that's a pretty easy one, Ebert. I'll be interested to see what Shore food authority Johnny Scrappleseed says.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
We'll be talking about the Paul and Young Ron Presents the New Times Beerfest being held Saturday night in Fort Lauderdale. I'll be presiding over a Barguments Table. Not exactly sure what I'll be doing there. (Not selling books, unfortunately. Got too complicated trying to set that up with Simon & Schuster.)
I've got some books to giveaway, though. In fact, the first complete stranger to come up to my table and mention the Barguments Blog will get a free book. I'll probably give the rest away to whoever comes up with the best new bargument.
If Barguments isn't a hit at a place called Beer Fest, I've got a problem.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
UPDATE: Just found where I had written down some other great barguments from the kids: Who would win in a fight: Dwyane Wade or Shaq? (No snickering, Johnny S.) Which is better: Chuck E. Cheese or Gameworks?
Saturday, April 5, 2008
2. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana (1991)
3. Walk This Way - Aerosmith (1975)
4. Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix (1967)
5. Sweet Child O Mine - Guns N' Roses (1987)
6. Paradise City - Guns N' Roses (1987)
7. Ace Of Spades - Motorhead (1980)
8. Enter Sandman - Metallica (1991)
9. Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chilli Peppers (1992)
10. Welcome To The Jungle - Guns N' Roses (1987)
11. Run To The Hills - Iron Maiden (1982)
12. Walk - Pantera (1992)
13. Johnny Be Goode - Chuck Berry (1958)
14. Back In Black - AC/DC (1980)
15. Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin (1970)
16. Wake Up - Rage Against The Machine (1992)
17. Highway to Hell - AC/DC (1979)
18. My Generation - The Who (1965)
19. 7 Nation Army - The White Stripes (2003)
20. Born To Be Wild - Steppenwolf (1968)
21. Give It Away - Red Hot Chilli Peppers (1991)
22. Paranoid - Black Sabbath (1970)
23. Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) - Jimi Hendrix (1967)
24. Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor (1982)
25. Money For Nothing - Dire Straits (1984)
Friday, April 4, 2008
Starting on about Page Five, you'll find the older barguments roughly arranged from ones where the votes are closest to ones that (as Drew Hearon put it) we've found to be "resolved."
I have a feeling this bargument, which a user submitted yesterday, would quickly slip into the "resolved" part of the Barguments.com map.
Pick the superior band: The Rolling Stones or The Who?
But I'm working on a new concept bargument that I think I can wrap this into one that would work.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
A blog on the NRDC site by Rob Perks recommends Barguments, and seems to hint that Benjamin Franklin would too. From Rob's blog:
I’m a firm believer in Ben Franklin’s maxim: “Beer is living proof
that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” And I enjoy a lively debate as much
as anyone. So what do you get when you mix beer and arguments? Bar brawls maybe,
but I'm talking about a brilliant cocktail known as a “bargument.”
cheeky buzzword – defined by the Urban Dictionary as “a debate on any subject
which takes place in a bar and is primarily caused by just the right amount of
booze” – is the subject of a clever new book, appropriately titled Barguments. Who wouldn’t enjoy downing a couple-three micro-brews and pondering
such age-old questions as:
“Who wins a fight between a Tyrannosaurus Rex and
five angry Grizzly Bears?” (T-Rex)
“Could John and Ponch arrest the Duke
“Best ‘brothers’ band of all-time?” (Allman)
He then asks readers to start a bargument over global warming. And one did, asking:
What's the least carbon-intensive beer container - keg, bottle or can?
This technically violates the Barguments Rules on at least two fronts. For one, it's a buzz kill. (Global warming sort of brings you down.) Second, there probably is a right answer that could be proven mathematically.
On the other hand, I am very interested in Barguments getting a piece of the $300 million global warming campaign recently launched by Al Gore. So I posted it.
Whatever your answer, try not to feel guilty the next time you order a draft or pick up a six-pack.
(Postcript: The blog reader, JG3000, offered another bargument I'll be stealing for barguments.com: Who wins in a fight between a great white shark and a crocodile in an environment that favors neither animal?)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Just did nine minutes on the Twitch morning show on ZRock 103 in Lexington, KY.
I mentioned on the air that barguments.com now is witnessing the most fierce bargument ever seen on the site. It's in response to this bargument:
Name the better songwriter: Bob Marley or Bruce Springsteen?
As I write this, Springsteen has a solid lead in the votes. But Marley is making a big comeback. The vote might have been skewed by me being on a radio show in North Carolina yesterday afternoon that seemed to draw a classic rock crowd.
But the real debate is raging in the Comments section of this bargument. There are 18 comments there at last count, easily a record.
This is all the more remarkable because the barguments.com comments feature isn't very user-friendly: you can't tell if there are any comments for a particular bargument without checking, and once you comment it sends you back to the first page.
Some excerpts from the Springsteen vs. Marley bargument:
Bruce completely stepped up to the plate after 9/11 with The Rising. Bob Marley was a bit of a one-trick pony.
A one-trick pony? The fact that anyone outside of the Caribbean has even heard of reggae music is because of Bob Marley. Springsteen is barely a flicker on the rock radar screen. The ONLY song writer you could compare Marley to would be Bob Dylan, who represented a generational angst, but still not a people's oppression.
Hmmmm, that's true, Bob Marley was oddly silent after 9/11...maybe because he had been DEAD FOR 20 YEARS!
C'mon! Bob Marley was like a god. Did anyone ever try to assassinate The Boss because of his lyrics?
What is wrong with you people?!
You've got to give Springsteen credit just for the body of work. It's not Marley's fault he died young, but the fact is Springsteen has a much richer list of great songs.
One worked to move towards a political, socioeconomic, and a philosophical change... the other was from New Jersey... WTF?
To suggest Johnny Cougar could compete with Springsteen just weakens your argument against Springsteen.
It's just little pink houses for you Springsteen voters...
They have yet to use a Springsteen song for a TV commercial.
You have to give the bargument so far to the Marley fans, but the votes are the votes. (Hope none of these Marley people buy the book, in which I posed the bargument: Who's the better songwriter: Bob Marley or Jimmy Buffett?)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I was on the Allan Handleman show today out of North Carolina. And as Allan put it, the phone lines "were lighting up." His listeners latched on to the bargument: If you could implant one song in your enemies' heads, which would it be?"
Before we get to the answers, let me expand on this bargument. You shouldn't assume that the song, once implanted, will play forever. You simply have the ability to implant that song for a small amount of time. You must choose the song that then will be both annoying and addicting -- one that you just can't get out of your head.
One candidate most people don't consider but is actually pretty good at embedding itself in your brain: We Are the World.
Here are some of the better nominees from Allan's show: I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight, She Drives Me Crazy, Muskrat Love, Never Going to Give You Up, Afternoon Delight.
They also offered lots of suggestions for Best TV Theme Song. One candidate: the Simon & Simon theme. I loved that show, but can't think of the song. I'll post it here once I find it.
Allan also asked listeners to share their own barguments. Three stood out:
1. Who would win in a chess match between Slingblade and Forrest Gump?
This came from a caller who didn't make it on the air, but the producer told it to me. I'll put that one on barguments.com
2. Who would win in a fight between a Tyrannosaurus Rex and five angry grizzly bears?
How perfect is that? Look for that on the site soon, but I might save it.
3. Who was the coolest movie character of all time?
This came from Owen in Durham. His candidate: Wooderson from Dazed and Confused. (The Matthew McConaughey character.) Hard to argue. Remember this scene?
Monday, March 31, 2008
we had a card game friday night......we hit a lull in conversation, and at
Midnight, one of my friends said "Dude, I just got your friends Barguments book,
throw some of them out to Liven this conversation up!"
We spent the next 2
hours doing exactly that....you'd have been blown away.
We also came up with this bargument...
What is the best Brothers Band of All time?" ie..ACDC, Allman Brothers,
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Amy Orndorff notes that everyone has barroom arguments but "unlike most of us, Hanks remembered them in the morning and wrote them down."
She calls me a "guru" (a first!) and declares that I'm not "preachy" in the book since I'm offering questions, not answers. Compliment taken, Amy.
My favorite: the final line.
Amy writes the book "makes a handy coaster."
Can't bargue with that...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
In a column out today, he calls Barguments "a fun little book called "Barguments" (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $9.99) from Doug Hanks, a reporter with the Miami Herald who, like me, apparently managed to convince his editors that his weekly bar tab is a legitimate business expense."
I wish, Joe. But I do hope to convince the IRS of that very soon.
Read the column here. It also mentions another book, "He Said Beer, She Said Wine" (DK Publishing, $25), where the authors bicker over whether you should pair food with beer or wine.
On what goes better with cheese:
She says, "There are no more perfect
partners in the realm of food and beverage pairing than wine and cheese."
says, "What do you drink with pizza when your friends come over to watch the
game? I'll give you a hint: it isn't wine."
On pairing with kung pao chicken
She says, "Light, off-dry whites calm the flames, while
aromatic reds can provide a complex counterpoint to layered flavors and
He says, "The carbonation, maltiness and alcohol content of
beer makes it the perfect partner for even the spiciest dishes. To be fair,
though, I once used a Riesling to put out a grease-fire."
Monday, March 24, 2008
You can read it here.
For the story, he had asked me my answers on a few barguments, including "Name the three best guitar players in history." I'm glad he didn't print the answers, because my response was lame: Jerry Garcia (easy), Jimi Hendrix (lame) and Eric Clapton (lamer).
I just write the questions. I don't come up with smart answers.
But since we're asking, what IS the answer to that one?
(UPDATE: I just saw the sidebar in which Ryan DID publish my answers. I'll never show my face in Delaware again.)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
If you could sleep with one of your spouse's best friends without anyone ever knowing, who would it be?
Which liquor is the worst to throw up? (from my cousin, Peter Hanks)
The bar at your wedding can only stock five liquors and three beers. Which ones do you want?
And, finally, a wholesome bargument from KC Bridges: Which is the better Girl Scout cookie: Thin Mints or Samoas?
Monday, March 17, 2008
Steve Lewis, Tom Farmar (who got the prize for buying the most books) Andrew Southworth and Matt "Cheeks" Harrison. There was a box in the bar for people to submit their own barguments. One of the entries: "What the f*** is wrong with Steve Lewis?"
A group shot. This reminds me I was supposed to get all the guys together for Katie (third from left) to take a similar picture, and never did. Sorry, Katie. Below that picture is the amazing cake Gena baked. In a possible nod to Miami, I think the filling was dulce de leche.
The two top contributors to this blog: Farmar and Mike Valliant.
The Barguments Guys. Fairly late in the evening...
What a party. Thanks, Katie, for the pictures, and thanks to anyone reading this who was there. It couldn't have gone better.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Patrick: "This is a good book to have if you're trying to decide if you should start a relationship."
Valliant was at the time drinking coffee and training for the Marines (might have been the Army) and volunteered to test the premise. He dove into the Tred Avon, while I proceeded to drive from Oxford to Bellevue. You'll have to click on his excellent account to find out what happened...
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
It's technically an invitation-only party, but everyone reading this blog will be considered my invited guest.
The Coconut Grove Grapevine blog did a little item on the event. Click here to read it. You have to scroll way down.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The good guys at Absolute Web Services just tweaked the site to allow multiple users from the same IP address. Now you're limited to one vote on each bargument per computer.
But as a result, it resets the tracking so that you'll need to vote again on the barguments to see the results.
Sorry the for the trouble!
P.S. I'll post some photos tonight from the big Barguments Launch night. They sold out of books quickly at Books & Books, but did not run out of beer at The Bar.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Sorry for the inconvenience. But at least you'll have the chance to rethink your decisions. Is Rock Me Amadeus really more annoying than Milkshake?
UPDATED UPDATE at 9:23 a.m. Wednesday: Problem seems to be fixed. You do have to vote on all the questions again to see the results. Sorry for that!
UPDATE AT 12:02 PM on Tuesday: There seems to be a problem with the site, in that it's not recognizing previous votes. The tallies are all there, but you can keep voting again and again. Not a bad time to launch your big pro-Lost campaign, but annoying for visitors. The AWS guys are on it. Check back for updates. For now, if you leave barguments.com open on a browser on your deskstop, nothing will reset. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Click here to read the post.
Bear v. Lion?
Depends on the bear. If we're talking a Grizzly, they weigh up
to 1800 lbs! They would just stomp a lion to death.
A Polar Bear would just
wait until the lion froze.
A Koala Bear would get its butt kicked by a lion,
that's pretty certain!
A Panda would cute the lion to death!
QUESTION IS NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH!
Posted by: Moon 12:14 AM on March 2, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Should be fun. I've got some books to give away, and I'm trying to arrange for beer at the reading. But I think Books & Books has a bar (a sign of a good bookstore) so we should be fine.
How do you give a reading of Barguments? I have 15 minutes to speak. I could almost read the entire book by then. Let's hope it's a fun crowd.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Click here to read my Miami Herald story on the encounter.
But since space is never infinite in a newspaper, some good stuff got left out of that article. I'm posting some of that here, exclusive to Barguments Blog readers.
Among the lost tidbits:
1. This exchange on the bargument: You’ve been kidnapped, and the characters from one television show can make a rescue attempt. Who gets the call?
Dave: The A-Team. They come in the van, kick your ass, you know? Mr. T—I’d like to meet Mr. T.
Michelle: How about Tubbs and Crockett?
Dave: No, they would come in and one of them would be really depressed about a girlfriend. And they wouldn’t actually save you. You’d probably get killed.
Because that would make it more poignant. They would have a better song to play.
2. For the bargument "You've been sentenced to prison for 30 years and can subscribe to one magazine. Which do you pick" Dave said quickly: The Economist.
I laughed but he wasn't kidding.
"I love the Economist. It covers the whole world. I wouldn't pick the Atlantic because that's monthly."
Moral: You have to be well-informed to be funny.
3. Asked to name his Top 5 sitcoms, Dave reluctantly chose six: Family Guy, The Simpsons, Cheers, Seinfeld, South Park and Extras. Extras and Seinfeld were his top picks, and he called Extras "the most brilliant sitcom ever."
Disagree? Watch this:
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Fab Five Friday
Thanks again for all of your bargument suggestions.
In case you're just tuning in
(and slightly mentally challenged), a 'bargument' is an argument best hashed out
in a corner bar.
I thumbed through the book Barguments by Doug Hanks and
picked out my five favorites.
1) Choose one of these rules to obey for the
next 14 days: Going for a hug every time someone offers you a handshake or
ending all telephone conversations with "Love ya."
2) You suddenly have the
ability to implant a song in your enemies' heads. Which one do you pick?
If you could instantly become five times better at doing one thing, what would
4) If you had to tap a president from film or television to run
the country, who would get the nod?
5) Would you rather drink a glass of
melted butter or eat a small bowl of mayonnaise?
I'll post my answers to
these barguments in a little bit.
And I'll mail a free copy of the book to
the commenter with the funniest answers.
Posted by: JTK February
22, 2008 9:32 AM
1.) Hugs! Everyone loves hugs!
2.) Barking Dogs'
3.) Speeling words
4.) Bill Pullman - He saved the
world from aliens by flying a fighter plane! Plus he was Lonestar. End of
5.) I once had a friend who was dared to eat a small jar of
gourmet honey mustard while drunk. He had one spoonful and tears started to
stream down his face, he responded: "It's so good when it hit your lips." Tried
to get down another spoonful, started to gag, then proceeded to leave via a
closet. We don't have barguments regarding food stuffs anymore.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
(If you're an editor from Simon & Schuster, do NOT click over to her blog and sign her on for a Barguments sequel. I can target the female demographic just as well. For instance: Which Sex and the City character would win in a bar brawl with all the others?)
Suburban Kamikaze said...
Dougie, baby,You're missing half your audience here with your television robots and your beer in a can. It's time to get started on the sequel, Barguments for Women. (Chardon-Nay or Yea?)Let me get you started.
1. You only have enough money for groceries or new shoes. Do you go with flats or heels?
2. An indecent proposal: Your husband agrees to a deal in which you will have sex with a charming and stunningly handsome Robert Redford-type mogul for $1 million. How will you raise the money?
3. And the classic: lipstick or mascara?I'm just saying,
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I was there tonight setting up a destination for a pub crawl after my March 4 reading at Books & Books. Basically, there will be drink specials and loud music. I'll probably give away some books to bewildered bar patrons.
Sitting there drinking my beer, it occured to me The Bar qualifies as a great bar. Among the reasons:
1. Juke box. Got to have one.
2. There's a glass beer yard hanging on a rack above the bar. Fun.
3. Heavy pours on the mixed drinks. (Hope no one gets fired for that.)
4. Foot rests on the bar. HUGE! Nothing worse than feeling like you're going to fall off your stool because there's no place to brace yourself down there. Of course, a foot rest can't save you past your sixth or seventh round...
5. A big stack of plastic cups by the door. Gotta love a bar that endorses to-go beers.