Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just a quick post to show I haven't forgotten about the Barguments Blog. Beerfest was fun Saturday. The good news and the bad news: I drank about 26 beers. That's because they handed out beers in teeny little cups, about the size you usually only see in a Dixie box.

But lots of Paul and Young Ron listeners knew about Barguments. I printed a bunch of them up on little cards and passed them out to people in the VIP tent. A frequent response: "Oh, are you the Barguments Guy?"

On the way to Beer Fest, I got a text from Kent Island resident Danny "Ebert" Williams with this Eastern Shore-only Bargument:

What kind of pickles do you serve with steamed crabs: dill or bread-and-butter?

I think that's a pretty easy one, Ebert. I'll be interested to see what Shore food authority Johnny Scrappleseed says.

12 comments:

Johnny Scrappleseed said...

You must serve dill pickles and some sort of cheap cheddar cheese. My wife taught me this, and she's from Tilghman. She also taught me how to really use a crab knife, making a few strategic cuts and leaving behind a clean carcass (I had no choice but to adopt her method when I saw she had finished three crabs to my one).

Here's my caveat, though. I had crabs once with bread-and-butter pickles and liked it. Something about the sweet countering all the saltiness in ever other aspect of the meal.

But don't tell Heather. Also, for what it's worth -- and I've been told I make good ones -- I think crabcakes are overrated. And any seafood dish topped or stuffed with crab is ridiculous.

Give me a dozen hot, fat October beauties, a cooler of 10-oz. and I'm good. That's how crab should be eaten. Anything else masks its subtle, sweet flavor.

Coconut Grove Sailing Club said...

You should be exiled from the Shore for what you said about crabcakes.

True Shore natives pick crabs with knives. Never mallets, of course. And they crack the claws with a knife, too.

Michael Valliant said...

Hanks, if you are one for crab cakes over steamed crabs, maybe you'd prefer Zima over a 10oz? You gotta go to the source. Then again, I do remember you saying you didn't think Tequiza was that bad.

Johnny Scrappleseed said...

Zima might go well with some keffir lime-scented, Thai-inspired crab croquettes.

I stand by my crabcake statement. I'll eat 'em and I'll serve 'em, but I prefer going to the source. You know what the most retarded "traditional" Shore delicacy is, though? -- A "fried hard crab."

Look it up. It's a big jimmy with the top pulled off, lungs and guts removed, stuffed with crabcake mixture, battered and the whole thing deep fried. So you eat batter off the shell and basically pick a crab. Stupid.

Here's a bargument, though: Do you eat the "mustard?" How about the roe? I like both.

Coconut Grove Sailing Club said...

Mustard-- a must.
Roe-- don't even know what that is in a crab.

Coconut Grove Sailing Club said...

Update: I don't know what roe is on a crab because I don't eat sooks.

Michael Valliant said...

I can rock the mustard, she ain't bad. Growing up, I always went with the container of vinegar at the table for steamed crabs (which on a bet, I pounded a cup of vinegar mixed with Old Bay, I still burp that up some days). I'd still vote for that over crab cakes, though I'm with Johnny S.--I will house em. The Chesapeake tradition I can't do anything with is soft crabs, which no amount of pickles and cheese (a faux pas with soft shells anyway) will fix.

Johnny Scrappleseed said...

All that running has poisoned your blood, grampa. Soft crabs are little tender nuggets of love, you just ain't had 'em right. Best place ever for softies was Bay Hundred (about seven owners ago) before the Tilghman bridge. They used to do them flash fried with a translucent tempura batter, shatteringly crisp and delicious.

Wow. I just totally blew my cover there. That's OK. A scrapplehound who chugs Guinness for a part-time job can still enjoy the fancier things in life.

I've heard mustard is basically the liver of the crab, full of all the toxins and pharmaceuticals stewing around in the Bay. Maybe that's why I like it so.

What I never understood was why some people dump a pound of Old Bay (and often rock salt) into the steamer pot when cooking crabs. I'll do a sprinkle for aroma (plus the obligatory cheap beer, which my dad says is a waste but I say helps calm the old jimmies before their demise), but that caked-on spice sludge to me seems a waste. That, and it hurts like hell if you have any small cuts on your fingers.

Michael Valliant said...

Hanks - you sound all high brow in FLA, but you'll eat whatever they serve you--jimmies or sooks.

Johnny S. - you may be right, but I've cooked for some talented cats in restaurants, tried soft shells a number of different ways, and they just ain't fer me. I will say, having cleaned them for years in restaurants, that if you ever tried to take a live squirrel, cut its face off and cut its lungs out, PETA would be going nuts. But the ugly mug of the blue crab raises nary an eyebrow, and happens by the scores daily.

Love to hear Johnny S. ruminate on how to prepare turkles...

Johnny Scrappleseed said...

I think that's a question best posited to Matt Crow. He's still trying to clean off years of snapper guts from his hands from what I hear.

Coconut Grove Sailing Club said...

Crab bargument: What do you serve with steamed crabs?

Johnny Scrappleseed said...

10 oz. or another appropriate canned beer, corn on the cob (with squares of heavily buttered bread to facilitate lubing up the ears), something with cucumbers -- whether it's pickles and cheese or quick-fridge-sugar/vinegar soak) ... um ... and for me a little dish containing a mixture of: vinegar, Old Bay, hot sauce, worcestershire, lemon juice and ketchup to thicken slightly.

Some people say fried chicken, but to me that's an all-you-can-eat restaurant tactic to fill you up on bird and spare the crustacean supply.

You can actually scratch it all except for the beer and I'd be content.